Tomorrow.

Tomorrow Samuel will be born..
Tomorrow He'll get his Cath done
Tomorrow I'll have someone to be accountable for
Tomorrow I'll have a C-section done
Tomorrow I'll have anesthesia done on me for the first time
Tomorrow I'll be a different person
Tomorrow I'll be praying to God everything goes as planned and thanking all the support I've gotten
Tomorrow I'll finally see him
Tomorrow I'll be a MOM..
To a VERY special little boy, who stole my heart.. and I'll do anything to mend his heart <3

Thanks for all the support... I know what it feels like now to trully be a heart mom :).. Tomorrow starts a new crazy chapter.. :) ill update when i can

Afriad.

I am completely NOT okay with having Samuel on Tuesday, I thought I could do it and be all strong and confident but I'm just scared and now I want to cry :(.. I feel lame, I can't help but to shake the fear and I feel like I'm failing Samuel by being afraid. Afraid for the Cath he has to get done, afraid for his leaking Pulmonary Valve, afraid of this surgery that would scare the CRAP outta anyone, I'm afraid of loosing him right so soon after I get him because It's not fair. It's not fair. I'm so afraid of everything.

bit of good news, a whole lot of anxiety

My cardiologist gave me a bit of good news today at my last echo which is pretty great since hes NEVER EVER given me good news about Samuel's heart. So it seems that his Right Ventricle is doing much better than it was doing last week, it only has a little bit of pressure instead of ALOT of pressure it had last week. It makes me feel good. I was also shown an example of the balloon cath that's going to be done right after hes born. Im nervous but I'm excited. weird.

I also finally packed a hospital bag, it only took me like DAYS to do, I am so lazy its not even funny. I did pack a hat and socks for Samuel, you'll never know if he could eventually wear them, :).. and now I sit here and wait till Tuesday.. Tic Toc.... now that there's a date time seems to be going sooo slow :(. I'll enjoy my last 3days having my Chubbs inside me, but honestly even am dieing to meet him.

TUESDAY

So they did change my C-section to Tuesday, So Samuel will be born 1/11/11 aha.. I think it's cute :).  It's so weird because I'm getting all these phone calls from like a bizillion doctors to confirm all the stuff that's going down and its becoming more realistic, Tomorrow I have one more Echo and meeting a few more doctors, getting blood work done and all this crappp... ITS ALMOST BABY TIMEEE :) WOOOHOO

cookies

Heart cookies for me and Samuel <3 ... Just 7 more days until hes here.. ugh I'm becoming inpatient

happy new years ... much love to u all