what i am thankful for

I havent been alive on this world for years and years to have a million zillion things to be thankful for.

Im first thankful for my family, my mother, sister, aunts, cousins, they have all been there for me since i got pregnant and its not something they wanted for me at 19yrs old, but my mother never turned her back on me and i am thankful that God has blessed me with such an amazing and supportive family. Even through Samuels heart  issues my family has managed to hold me up and fill me with faith, even on my worst days

Im also thankful for my friends who haven't left my side since i got pregnant, and then those who honestly have been there for me since my son was diagnosed with HLHS. When I felt alone and sad and almost broke down i had them (besides my family), they listened, they understood the most they could and they stood by me and i am thankful for everything they have done. its always great when they make me smile on a hard day <3

Im Thankful for my boyfriend Joshua, it hasnt been long but i truly do love you. God couldn't have blessed me with such an amazing partner. You've been there even through the WORST days when we thought we weren't going to make it as a couple. You Wished for a baby boy and we have that, i swear you look forward to seeing him more then i do, and you give me faith. God couldn't have found me a better friend/boyfriend/baby's dad. 

Im the MOST thankful for my son. :) Samuel hasn't even been born yet but has made such an impact on my life, i am thankful for being able to carry a healthy baby boy despite his heart, i see him as my special gift, and im thankful for the doctors that are going to help him live an amazing life in a month and a half, i thank God for letting me experience being pregnant with such an amazing and active little boy  who i am attached to terribly. Im thankful for Samuel cause he has made my relationship with God a stronger one, he has changed my life and made me a fighter and made me a person whos willing to give it my all no matter what hands down. Im thankful for the time ive carried Samuel and the kicks and jabs that even though hurt make me smile because it tells me your still there ready to fight and win <3

Im thankful for the Heart Moms ive come across since ive started blogged, you are all amazing women and all deserve the very best and God had blessed us all in many different ways. i thank you all who have given me hope, who have shown me its okay to be sad, its okay to enjoy my pregnancy, and to enjoy my baby boy. God is watching over us, our babies and all the angels <3 being a Heart mom has made me a stronger person and i thank you all and i am thankful for having came across you all..

Happy Thanksgiving <3 HAVE FUN EATING AMAZING FOOOOOOD.. i know me and Samuel will ;)

Best news I've had all week

Boston is a no-go.. My insurance wont cover anything for me up there, and the process seemed so long and hard, so we decided if you cant have one great hospital you could always look for another, and God heard my prayers and we found it!!

Presbyterian Hospital :) ... ran by U.Columbia ... When my boyfriend told me he had everything almost set up to go to this new hospital I could not believe it, It is one of the Top 10 hospitals for Cardiac Surgery. Words don't do justice to explain how blessed I feel. I'm waiting on my papers to be transferred so I could make an appointment with one of the surgeons, the nurse was so nice and sympathetic and she was so excited to hear that I was switching over because she reassured me so much that Samuel will be in Great hands. I hope to get an appointment next week because I have to go back upstate to finish school up in Buffalo (did i mention its an 8hr drive, jeez i dreaded every appointment I had to come back home for because of it) .. I CANT WAIIIT :)

Oh Yeah... I can't wait for Thanksgiving dinner since it will be Samuel's first thanksgiving dinner, I feel  like it counts since he's going to eat whatever mommy will be having :D hehe.. I love being pregnant, minus the heartburn- that I can live without...

inspiring

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
-Mother Teresa

To read something like this really hits home..

Confused :(

Im having the worst dilemma about whether or not to switch hospitals, or if i even CAN switch.


My current hospital hasn't given me much faith that things can be okay, so i was thinking about switching over to Boston Children's Hospital. i have heard amazing things about it. my issue is that i live 4hrs away :( how do i pull that off, I'm not even sure my insurance covers me over there...

I don't want to seem defeated but i deff. am having such  a hard time..  :( im going to set up an appointment to talk to somebody from the hospital at Boston to see what they say, or what can be done..

why cant things get easier... :( Lord give me a little more strength

Baby shower blues

SO... today would have been the day of my baby shower, but i had decided a while ago that i wasn't going to have one until Samuel was born and stable. It makes me feel sad though and sorta like I'm missing out on the fun stuff that happens when you get pregnant.. "/ sometimes it makes me feel selfish and bad but idk...

so instead of a baby shower I'm going to the nail salon with my sister, and get my nails n feet done :) .. it'll be fun and today will be a good day..

crappy news.. & okay news

So went for a follow up appt. on my echo with my cardiologist and he didnt have great news.

Samuel's only valve leading out his heart looks abnormal and its leaking "/ ... this makes his problem so much more worse :( .. im trying to stay strong but how do you do that when i keep receiving bad news .. ugh.. Joshua (my bf) did not take it well, but i mean i completely understand hes worried about his little boy. i need prayers and i need to just talk to god, it always makes me feel better.

i have a follow up appointment with him again and my OB to talk about options and to see  his heart again to see if things are going to stay as they are or if hes getting worse.

ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE..

His lungs look nice and strong and healthy :) oh yes.. thank god. <3

The Sorta begining

Just to catch up .. i was 19wks when I had my anatomy scan, i found out i was having a boy (yay), the excitement was short lived when i realized that the ultrasound was sorta dragging. The woman who was doing my ultrasound leaves and a few min later a doctor walks in. He looks and looks and looks at this heart, eventually he broke the new to me and my boyfriend, He has Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.

At the time i didnt realize how bad it was until the doctor started explaining it, His left side of his heart had failed to develop and with out medical intervention babies will die within days. To make a long story short he will need 3 rounds of heart surgery to help his heart function as normal as possible.

 I was scared and sad at first but now i am strong and excited to be almost meeting him. Since that day i have Ultrasounds regularly as well as echos every month, the doctors are just hoping his lungs dont get damaged and that hes nice and big n plump :)

This is my journey <3 with my amazing boy